Gönül Arsızı

Kendi ettiğine kendi ettiğine
Kendi ettiğine zaman zaman ağla

Ay güneşe küsmüş dalların çiçek açmaz mı?
Sevdiğini eller almış, eller almış acımaz mı?
Mevsim bahara dönmüş, bülbül ötüp uçmaz mı?
Arsızı gönül arsızı var içimde sızı
Arsızı gönül arsızı var içimde sızı
Geçmedi kalbimdeki sızı, gelmedi gönlümün hırsızı
Gönül arsızısın sen gönül arsızı

Kim sana bakar söyle kim sana bakar?
Bundan sonra böylece bilde, söyleme, tadın tuzun kaçar.
Hangi göz ağlar sana, hangi göz ağlar
Geri dönüşün yoktur ki aşta, zaman zaman ağla
Kendi ettiğine yanda, zaman zaman ağla
Kendi ettiğine yanda
Kendi ettiğine yanda zaman zaman ağla

The Elusive Perovskite

[source: http://themineralogist.tumblr.com/post/45346774238/perovskite]

How to obtain the elusive perovskite:
The purest mineral perovskite is found in the Urals, where the first samples were found by the eminent Dr. Gustave Rose in 1839. The location of this deposit is secret and is held privy to a crazy old Mordvin lady living in the outskirts of Perm, who is conversant only in broken Russian and an obscure Uralic tongue. To reach it, you must first find her in her abode. Then, you must ask said lady in her own language whither the perovskites be found, to which she will reply, "Кто ты, и ты можешь говорить более четко, пожалуйста, я слабослышащих. Также почему все спрашивают меня о скалы. Я ничего о таких вещах не знаю. Могу ли я пойти и кормить кур сейчас." At the exact location that she describes, you shall find the most delightful outcrop of the purest calcium titanate, each crystal as vitreous as a million cabochons of agate and jasper. Polishing and mounting of this gem demands the most accomplished lapidaries in this wide world, and a mere glimpse of this material is widely hailed as the stuff of their wildest dreams.

How to obtain diamonds:
Diamonds can be found in any old country that has an excess of corrupt officials and warlords.

Postgraduate Journal 1.9.4

A small bottle of water from Lourdes, a gift from Jonathan

(Semester 1, Week 9, Thursday)
It has been six weeks since I took off on a path to myself. People have joined the path and branched off since then, and now is a time when I see no one on the path. I am alone again. A Greek dance plays on my phone, in a language that the world has forgotten, a tongue that no one understands. In my mind I dance again, lonesome as a hermit in the wastes, trotting, toeing, the fine line between rapture and insanity.

The night prayer is written on my wall, serving as a rough template for my prayers for each night. It is a short one, each line written down after a meditative session at a retreat or a cell group meeting:

Lord, take me, break me, feed me to the crowds
Put me in the path of all in need
Let me be there, let me bear everything gracefully
I must decrease; You must increase

It's time to be serious about being fed to the crowds now.
Work has limited my contact with large groups, thinning down my social contact to one person at a time, sometimes even less. Old graduate friends become less responsive over messaging services. "Put me in the path in need" seemed to have put less people on my path, not more.

"Let me be there, let me bear everything gracefully." Maybe I haven't been there, maybe I haven't borne anything as gracefully as I imagine I should.

"I must decrease; You must increase."
So it's not about me. If only it was all not about myself!

All these will take time to sink in.

Tomorrow morning, hopefully, I will wake up as usual. My morning prayer is written on the same wall, and consists of a single pious ejaculation:

Lord, I am overjoyed to find myself still breathing. Take my day: it is yours!

Some days I strike out "overjoyed" mentally while making this prayer. Some days are just like that.
Time to sleep.

[Bedtime reading: Evangelii Gaudium]

The final notes of Igor Stravinsky's "Petrushka", first tableau, and also of "The Rite of Spring", visualised in text

1. Petrushka, Russian Dance
PUM-PUP-PAAAAAAAAAAAA
chkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchkchk
asdsadfjksafdsf;

2. The Rite of Spring
rrrrrrrrrrrrr........ (gliss.)
...
...
!!!!!!!!PFFFt