How to obtain the elusive perovskite:
The purest mineral perovskite is found in the Urals, where the first samples were found by the eminent Dr. Gustave Rose in 1839. The location of this deposit is secret and is held privy to a crazy old Mordvin lady living in the outskirts of Perm, who is conversant only in broken Russian and an obscure Uralic tongue. To reach it, you must first find her in her abode. Then, you must ask said lady in her own language whither the perovskites be found, to which she will reply, "Кто ты, и ты можешь говорить более четко, пожалуйста, я слабослышащих. Также почему все спрашивают меня о скалы. Я ничего о таких вещах не знаю. Могу ли я пойти и кормить кур сейчас." At the exact location that she describes, you shall find the most delightful outcrop of the purest calcium titanate, each crystal as vitreous as a million cabochons of agate and jasper. Polishing and mounting of this gem demands the most accomplished lapidaries in this wide world, and a mere glimpse of this material is widely hailed as the stuff of their wildest dreams.
How to obtain diamonds:
Diamonds can be found in any old country that has an excess of corrupt officials and warlords.
