A rough re-telling of two tragicomic snippets from Poland (Ch. 3) by James A. Michener, 1983
THE ADVENTURES OF SIEGFRIED VON ESCHL AND KAZIMIR OF GORKASiegfried von Eschl of the Teutonic Knights: You know, Kazimir... given the opportunity, we would gladly convert Poland to Christianity.
Kazimir of Gorka: What do you mean? We've been Christian for three centuries.
Siegfried: Oh no, no! You are not true Christians.
Kazimir: What is a true Christian?
Siegfried: Us Germans, for example, we are the true Christians.
Kazimir: Ok, I'm not sure I am on board—
Siegfried: You know, Germans and Poles are natural allies; we'll achieve great heights by working together. On our side, we have the technology, the good organization; and on the other hand you, the Poles, have the power of arable land, (salivates) so much arable land...
Meanwhile, the Baltic Prussians: (had been completely exterminated)
THE ADVENTURES OF PAWEL OF BUKOWO AND FR. ANTON GRABENER
Fr. Anton Grabener of Lübeck: In this interrogation, I am going to ask you some pertinent questions on the current affairs of Poland, alright?
Pawel of Bukowo: Sure.
Fr. Anton: Is your king, Jagiello, a Pagan?
Pawel: No. He converted when he married Jadwiga, I think.
Fr. Anton: (scribbles notes thoughtfully) Mm-hm, mm-hm
Fr. Anton: But is he a dirty, lice-ridden, raw-meat guzzling heathen, nonetheless?
Pawel: There's no reasoning with you people
Fr. Anton: (flips page furiously) Is it true, as the rumours say, that Jagiello has hair growing all over his body, like a bear??
Pawel: (leaning away) I'm quite sure he has hair growing in all the normal places!
Fr. Anton: (sweating and hyperventilating) Is it true, as the rumours say, that Jagiello has a dong the size of his forearm???
