Valedictorian Speech

It just so happens that recently, in a university near you, a speech by a valedictorian filled the air with outrage and disapproval from those who fancied themselves respectable.

I feel that I must join them, but only because I have watched her speech and found the exit to be poorly executed. Sneaking in the f-word timidly like she did does no justice to the feelings of joy and accomplishment which typifies the occasion. It is more befitting for her either to stick to a no-swearing regime or to vault to mid-stage after the speech and do a lewd dance until her friends, posing as security officers, rush onstage to subdue her with tasers (or anything else to that effect). Future valedictorians, I leave you to consider your choices.